As If I
Nathaniel Allen
9/14/2019-5/10/2020
Hey God, I’ve got some questions
About the way you’re running
These pieces of my life
‘Cause I denied I’m not alright again
I know that I am to blame
But I keep playing this game
I’m too scared to admit
That I denied I’m not alright again
The stars shine brightly here
This world I hold so dear
I know that you are good
But I deny you’ll do the things you said you would
Don’t you know who I am
Don’t you know what I’ve done
Yet you give me this task oh Lord
As if I could speak for you
As if I could be for you
When everything that I want
Is everything you are not
And still you call me anyway
As if I could speak for you
As if I could be for you
I hate the things you tell me
‘Cause they require letting
Go of all that I know
So I deny I’m not alright again
It’s hard for me to believe
That there could be something
Beyond this mess I see
Let me deny I’m not alright again
The stars shine brightly here
This world I hold so dear
I know that you are good
But I deny you’ll do the things you said you would
Don’t you know who I am
Don’t you know what I’ve done
Yet you give me this task oh Lord
As if I could speak for you
As if I could be for you
What can you see within me
But who you had to redeem
All of my mistakes
The times I lie and fight and run away
All that I am is worthless
Why do you say I’m worth it
You asked me to speak
But God it cannot be it cannot be
I’m just too bruised and broken
To be who you are hoping
That one day I’ll become
So I deny that you are right again
I live like I don’t love you
So why do you pull me through
God I could never speak
Could never speak could never be for you
You hold me in your arms
And calm my wandering heart
Though my soul has been cast down
I find that I am lost in who you are
Cause God you know who I am
And you know what I’ve done
But your son has died for me
So I am to speak for you
So I am to be for you
Though I struggle to be
The man you want out of me
I’m not the one you choose to see
So I am to speak for you
So I am to be for you