Fissures

Nathaniel Allen

8/3/2017-8/29/2023

I was walking through the garden yesterday

Pondering the wandering of life and my dismay

Cause I have fallen down again

And I cannot begin to mend

The wounds that bind me to this place

This garden of my fear and shame

And as I wandered through the trees

I came into a clearing

Where in the center sat a man

With a crown on his head and holes in his hands

He beckoned me, said come and sit

Speak with me for just a bit

So I sat down there beside

And he questioned me about my life

I told him all that I had loved

Of family, friends, and the stars above

Yet while we spoke his eyes were drawn

To the scars that I’d forgone

He softly asked me may I know

What it is that made you so

These are the fissures that break me

They’re consuming everything I am

All I have done, all the things I have felt

They have torn me up from skin to soul

Cause I’m not whole

I’m far from holy

And I’m unworthy

To sit here now

Oh child… he replied

As a tear fell from his shadowed eyes

It was never meant to be this way

I didn’t want you to know this pain

But once this world was cursed by sin

The fissures then had entered in

The vile, cursed, great divide

Between my love and your precious lives

When I looked up to see his face

There was something deep within his gaze

The fissures of the world ran through

The one whose love was the only truth

Everything and everyone

Including me, held in the Son

The chasm bridged and hope restored

Though I still lived as one abhorred

Oh Father, save me I cried

As he clasped his broken hands to mine

And from those broken hands poured forth

The blood of The Lamb, the blood of my Lord

Into the fissures this world had made

The scars of my fear and the wounds of my shame

And this is the song that my heart did sing

The song of redemption by the death of a king

What cause have I

To lift my voice at all

When I’ve been falling

And I’m a wreck again

If you break my legs so I don’t run

And crush my lungs ‘till you’re enough

Could I ever speak for you

Could I ever be for you

Does anyone else see

That sometimes

I don’t want to be alright

I just want you to let me fall

For so long

Hey, God I’ve still got questions

About the way you love me

And how you could love someone like that

When you love thousands the same

She loved you, Lord. Why did you leave her

If I wrote a song about how I feel

Would you use it for your glory

I could never write or say anything

Without telling the world of your story

It’s more than a decade

It’s everything I am

Super glue and thumb tacks

Duct tape and life hacks

I’m dying to be

Anything

May your words become

Who I am

Though years will pass

And all will surely change

I’d never go back

For it’s you that I have

There will come a day

The Lord of all shall claim his bride

And Satan will have been denied

 So I’m singing my praises

To the King of the Ages

You are Holy and You are Worthy

So what of these fissures that break me

They are filled by the blood of the Lamb

All I have done, all the things I have felt

They are dim in the light of His scars

Now I’m made whole

Cause He is Holy

And He is worthy

To be my song

Now I’m made whole

Cause He is Holy

And He is worthy

To be my song