That of Which is Unspeakable

Nathaniel Allen

4/6/18

You always remember the first

Even if the first isn’t the worst

Because the first is the verse

That you live by, accursed

Talk to your teachers

Talk to your preachers

They’ll become your beseechers 

Not to speak of the features

Of enthralling entrapments

On the enemy’s battlements

That take you and shatter you

Becoming your settlements

For the price of your soul

To the devil’s world stole-

en into the hell of yourself

That consumes who you are

And betrays what you know

For this hell is your home

All these chambers in your mind

Become the playthings of Satan

Because Satan’s not waiting

To steal you away from your place

To make you the ace in his deck

He had you years before you turned back

His demonic perfection of the lie

That perfectly blinds all the eyes

Of those closest and dearest to you

Those you can’t even see that you’re losing

Because as soon as you realize you’re losing

You’ll try to start choosing the path out of your hole

That wholly encompasses whatever it is you’ve become

Hungover from the fantastically lustful things in your mind

Those dirty, little images slowly become the ties that bind

You to what you never wanted to acknowledge yourself to be

Because you were always so innocent and pure as a child

That surely this ailment is of a nature quite mild

Well putting it mildly to you sir; you’re an addict

But not an addict of the act, no, that is a fact

You’re an addict to the facts of the act

Because the act itself does not drive you to attack

At those that you love the most

Because you’re afraid that they’ll also become some host

Of the trap that you stumbled into yourself

So you shut up everyone around to block out the sound

Of everything crashing down around

You running farther and farther away

From the demons that you faced today

Even though they got what they needed to sway

Your mind again from its focus on purity

The assurity of your innocence is forgery

To the girl that you someday will marry

Because marrying implies that you’ll love her somehow

And how can you love someone like that

When you’ve already taken thousands the same

At least in your mind where you’re staging this game

And you try to justify to me and God why it’s got to be okay

Because if it’s not okay then where does it leave you

Stranded on the barren yet crowded shores of infidelity

Screaming and clawing at me to take you back

Because Please, God; there has to be a way to do that

Don’t you dare leave me yet because I’m not quite done

Explaining how all of these things are why I run

Away from you oh man in the mirror

The monster that holds my darkest of fears

As I have this conversation for the billionth time

I want you to know what I’ve learned in my life

I stand here broken with nothing left to give

 And this body I inhabit is not a means to live